This is not a gift to my father on Father's Day, for he never values any gifts. While that might sound like a small quirk to some, it reveals so much about the person he is. Adorably referred to as "Pappa" since we first learned to mumble syllables together, he became, along with "Mummy", the very bulwark our life was built upon. When the papers remind you "It's Father's Day!", your instinct is to indulge him like many Fathers around the world will be today. But, you know him better than that. You are even wary of writing a post about him, lest he disapproves of this unwarranted indulgence as well.
My Daddy Strongest
As tiny little kids, we invariably see our fathers as a symbol of strength in our worlds. He can move furniture around the house and open lids on jam bottles. He never cries when he is hurt. He stands tall so that we have to literally look up to him all the time. Every now and then, he will come down to meet us, reminding us he has a soft side to him. He can play the right kind of music on his Japanese stereo that will put us to sleep in no time. "No" is never an answer for anything we desire and ask for. Things always seem miraculously and meticulously well-planned.
Only when you grow up, do you really start seeing there is more to the strength that a child can perceive. You see a man who has lost his father at a young age and faced abject poverty after his father's demise, and dedicated his working life to ensuring a financial security so that his family never experienced that. You see a man who yearned for schooling, but never had the means or access to one, and yet miraculously who goes on to get a PhD. And then you see this same man strive to save money for the sole aim of ensuring his sons can get the best education at whichever price. All this while, you still don't recollect a single instance of a "No" for something you wanted - a bicycle, a cricket bat, a computer.
From Father to Friend
Apparently, somewhere in the Vedas, there is an advice to fathers that as their children grow up, they value friends more than parents, and so a father must start playing the role of a friend as opposed to what will be perceived as an authoritative father. Pappa firmly believes in these wise words, and now that we look back, we can see the transition very clearly.
As we grow up, we start spending a lot more time with friends than at home. Fathers become peripheral figures, and only involve themselves in matters of extreme importance like arranging for the payment of fees, driving to our favorite restaurant, and signing report cards. When we fell sick, Mummy would be at our side caring and visibly worried, but Pappa would carefully inspect us like a doctor, and either take us to a real one or administer well-known Homeopathic or Ayurvedic medication himself and ask us to rest. When we started learning Mridangam, he joined us so that we would be motivated by his passion and diligence. Instead of always urging us to study harder, he would ask us whether we went out to play this evening.
At times, we would wake up in the mornings and discover him to be missing. "It isn't 9 yet. Then where is Pappa?". "Oh, he left for a week on an inspection trip to Lucknow early this morning. He didn't want you to wake up early and disturb your sleep." "But, I didn't say goodbye". Mummy would feel worse than we did and would break Pappa's "Do not bother the kids" rule when he returned back from his trip by waking us up to greet him. The memories of the joys of reuniting with a father are still vivid. Silently, in its own way, this would remind us of his importance in our lives lest we forgot as distracted teenagers.
Philoso-father
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years." - Mark Twain.
As I grew up and life started becoming more entangled with friends, relationships, careers, competition and morals, there was one source of answers always readily available. When I would worry about petty things like being under-paid despite working hard, I found solace in Pappa's wisdom. When I would be hurt by friends or the actions of those who I spent a lot of time with, there was a soothing balm in his words. He possesses an uncanny knack of visualizing a person's problem from a few words spoken in pain. His response is extremely practical when it is a problem of the real world - career, relations, finance. When practicality is insufficient, like problems of morality or grandiose worries about life, he can readily shift one's perspective by saying something profound.
I now realize he is well-read in ancient Indian writings like the Vedas, Mahabharata, Bhagavad Gita, Puranas and the philosophical musings of many renowned thinkers including Bertrand Russell, Mahatma Gandhi and Adi Shankaracharya. He has always shown a great appreciation for Science, and sees modern Science as an affirmation, and not an apposite to what we broadly term as Spirituality. Questions about the reality and relativity of Time are met with shlokas and references from the books he has read in the past. Mentions of the basic derivations of Quantum Theory are immediately tied to the conceptualization of the Universe in the Vedas. This from a man who has barely had the chance to study modern Science in school or when growing up, yet who immediately perceives intuitively on mere mention how these theories play out in our world.
It is said that humility can only stem from the experience of something much bigger than oneself. Whether it is a spiritual realization or the experience and understanding of life itself, Pappa is a model of humility and simplicity for all of us. Any attachments and possessions that drive us for more of the same, is only a downward spiral. Any ambitions and desires that wreck our peace of mind, are not worthy of our time. What flows freely through us, without disturbance, is the only thing life intends for us to do. If today you don't seem to get what you deserve, think of the times where you got more than you deserved; those times will come back again. Be proud of the books you author, the positions you hold, as they come with hard work and hard work desires satisfaction; but do not define yourself with this pride. Simple yet profound.
I can now clearly see how he tries to live his life according to what he has gleaned from his readings and his experience. Why would he want a gift to add to his list of possessions, when he is striving to keep the existing list small? Why worry about the expression of love when true love should never need to be expressly expressed? Why give today a special importance when indeed no day should be more special than others? Don't worry Pappa, there will be no Father's Day gift today. You are the gift of a lifetime to us instead.
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