IP Quell

"How long will this circus go on?", I ask for the umpteenth time.

"Another week", comes the reply.

"Sigh"

"Who would name their club team Indians?", I try to amuse myself again.

"Franchise team....."

"Whatever. It is akin to a football club in my mind. I don't know a football club named 'Versaille Francaise' or 'Dartmouth Brits'. Yet, here it is - Mumbai Indians."

"Dude, Sachin picked that name. He is obviously deeply patriotic. He always plays with the love for this country in his heart. Didn't you see his emotions overflow on winning the World Cup? What would you know....foreign returnee. Football fan."

"Sachin might be God when it comes to batting. But, I am now almost certain he didn't name his kids. Or else they'd be named Bharat and Indu. Are all the players in his team Indian? Malinga sounds much like Kalinga, but I have my doubts about Symonds and Pollard."

"They can play upto 4 foreigners in each game".

"Ok, so they are NOT Indians".

"Stop being an idiot. You think Sehwag is a Daredevil? Wait......in a way, he really is. Ok, here's another one....you think Yuvraj is a Warrior? Wait....he does sound like a warrior. Ok, this one surely...you think Gambhir is a Knight Rider?"

"Haha, that is most definitely the most imaginative name I've ever come across. Knight Riders! That totally killed the buzz I had stowed away in the back of my head about the cool 80s show - crime buster in a dark black car. One dark black car. One and only crime buster. Now suddenly there are 20. And they wear purple and gold. Buzz-kill."

"There is no buzz killing with Shah Rukh at the helm of their affairs. I have no doubt his creative self picked that uber-cool name."

"Please, it's not like Kolkata is to Knight Rider, what Gotham City was to Batman. I thought this was the INDIAN Premier League. Whatever happened to picking names and themes that go with the culture? How about Kolkata Rossogullas? Or just Kolkata Gullas? Ok, I know I suck at this, but there surely is a more Bengali-sounding name? It doesn't need to be Bengali either. Like I appreciate the choice of the name Tuskers - one of the things you associate with Kerala is the Elephant, thanks to the 'Mile Sur Mera Tumhara' video that was bludgeoned into our young heads."

"Enjoy the game. What's in a name?"

"A name is meant for me to tell things apart and to set a context in my head before I appreciate the object that the name belongs to. I can't believe 2 teams are 'Royal' and 2 others are 'Kings' in a league of 10 teams. Seriously, who pays these people for creativity?"

"The creativity is in the stroke-play. In the field setting. In the master class bowling efforts in these torrid situations. I know you can't appreciate that. You are probably still looking for the goal behind long leg and wondering why there are 11 goalkeepers."

"Please, I know my cricket! I used to day-dream for years that I was the Indian Shane Warne, except I was also a hard-hitting middle order batsman. And I basically played the role Yuvraj did when India won the World Cup. In my dreams of course. But, even so, don't insult my cricket-crazy past! I simply bring new perspective."

"Did you just compare Shane Warne to Yuvraj?"

"No, I compared myself to them both. Thank God there is only one Yuvraj!"

"Yes, there is only one. India could do with another for the next world cup."

"Apparently, all it takes to become a Yuvraj-like Warrior is Revital. Which reminds me...when Pune won a franchise for 2011, I was so sure they'd pick the name Pune Peshwas. It just sounds so fresh and revitalizing. Also, so culturally appropriate."

"Peshwas used to live there in the old days. You think there are still Peshwas around?"

"Old is the new new man. Everyone wants Indianized Sanskritized names, except Indians! Seriously, if one team calls itself Kings, and another says 'Kings ah? We are Super Kings!' doesn't it remind you of yourself when you were 3 years old?"

"How do you know the names were picked in serial order and not disclosed simultaneously? You are from Chennai. You should know that there is only one affirmative qualifier used there - Super. It fits perfectly."

"I also lived in Hyderabad. I do remember seeing buffaloes in the Dairy Farm next to our home. I can see how "Chargers" fits Hyderabad now."

"You lived next to a Dairy Farm?"

"It was in the 80s man. Don't read anything into it."

"OK. The 8PM match is starting now. So, stop filling my ears and let me enjoy this encounter."

"A 2nd game? 2 games every day?"

"There are 10 teams now. More games. Now hush."

"When does this circus end again?"