Don't Judge Me!

It's the easiest job in the world for me. Judging other people, their behaviour, their performances, their actions. It's the one task where you need no certification for the role, simply privilege of position. You stand to lose nothing as a judge, while the judged stand to lose everything. You need no tools or statistics to guide you, only a personal point of view. How easier can it get? Everyday, we expose ourselves to the world, where every step we take is watched, each failure we encounter is counted, every shortcoming we disclose is noticed. The society is divided into two buckets - winners and losers - and who wants to be in the losers bucket?

When did living become synonymous with winning? When did tryers become synonymous with losers? I am not sure. Maybe as I was growing up?

My Judge is a Superstar

I recently read a disturbing news item, where a teenage girl, with an established dance background, walked into a TV show for performing in a televised contest, and was rebuked by the "star" judges for her performance. Young minds don't need this kind of treatment, not in front of millions of vicarious hounds sitting in front of their TV sets, waiting for someone to slip-up and be virtually slapped in public. Yeah, this is entertainment, alright. Ask the parents of the girl, as they wait in agony day and night at the hospital, awaiting their daughter to come out of shock which has dragged her into post-depression semi-paralysis and muteness.

Shows in the West often add spice by adding high-profile judges who are given liberty to exercise no restraint on verbal extremities when chiding a contestant. It makes great prime-time television as you watch the wheat separated from the chaff, and the chaff gets a nice whack on the stone in the process too. Shows like American Idol, The Apprentice, Hell's Kitchen and numerous other reality-based shows have grabbed the attention of eyeballs and eardrums by thumping participants in public. If you are good, you are showered in gold. If you are less than good, you are soaked in manure, thrown into a pig-sty, and left to dry in the hot sun. It's sad to see, these kind of barbaric television antics are being fed to entertainment-hungry Indians too now. And how they are lapping it all up!

Who are you to wave your finger?

Who defines "good"? How do you know how far less than good is considered bad? Is a successful endeavour one where a single person excels and the whole world is left in awe, or one where no single person wins and everyone ends up better for the effort? The premise of judgement is so murky and left to individual perspectives, one is surprised why we give it so much importance in our daily lives.

Why do I get affected when someone glances scornfully at my attire? Fashion to one, is rags to the other.
Why are grades in school given more weight than what the student actually learns? We all know Einsteins are not produced in schools.
When did overcoming stage-fear and putting up a public performance start producing rebuke instead of applause? When I was a kid, you were a winner even if you stood mute on the stage and walked out when the bell rang.

If I continue listing all the judgement one has to face in a lifetime, I could write a book on it. The real question is, why are we, as humans, both ready to dish out verdicts and to succumb under their burden? More importantly, why do we let every single person who cares to judge us, judge us? Just because they achieved something which is noteworthy? Just because that is how they command respect? Oh how great it must feel to tell someone what you think of them and then bask in the thoughts that she will be better for it, for setbacks trigger fightbacks to success!

I Will Be The Judge Now

Here, then is my verdict! It is the natural tendency of a competitive human species to push down the others when they themselves feel threatened. Sometimes, pushing down the weak, makes the strong feel stronger. Sometimes, they stand up and "frankly" point out weaknesses, believing it will earn them respect. We have to learn to accept this nature, and have a strong filter to only let through those statements that matter. Building the filter itself, is an act that can take a lifetime, but we can get to work on it today.

I should admit, for all that I write here, I have been known to be highly susceptible to negative feedback, and hugely reliant on positive ones. But, I believe I have learnt a lot in the process. The simplest way is to only trust feedback from the ones you know really care about you - your family and the closest friends in whom you can always confide in. It's true that there could be so much feedback you miss out on because not everyone in your circle is good at everything, and can comment on everything. But, one will learn in time to tune their ears to the right feedback, both positive and negative, from all around. It is always important to know that negative feedback should never affect your spirits, and should only be treated as course-correction at best, not a disaster of titanic proportions.

What is sad though, is that many a time, I have witnessed parents push their children past the limits to pedestals where they are exposed to such chiding. Victory is sometimes more important for the parents, than for the kid. Where can a youngster hide, if eventually, he has to face the wrath of his father for losing a tennis match or the ladle of her mom for slipping during the dance recital? For people to be safe of all that is bad in the world, there needs to be a home that they can always be accepted in, without any judging. Without that, no filter will ever be good enough.

Nevertheless, it helps to remember, if there's one thing Einstein has taught us, it is that everything the human mind can discern is relative, and nothing in that realm is absolute. Judgements too, are after all, creations of the human mind.